We are way past the point where we should be hesitant to talk to our loved ones about depression. Generally, one in five US adults (61.5 million people) experienced mental illness in 2024. Major depressive order affected 15.5 percent of the population, making it the second most prevalent mental illness in the country. (Anxiety disorders were most common at 19.1 percent.)
Since depression likely affects someone we know, what do we say to someone who is depressed? We want to try to understand what they are going through. We want to be supportive and, if necessary, get them the professional help they need. The following are some suggestions.
General Tips for Talking to a Depressed Loved One
- Understand that your role is to offer support to your loved one.
- Unless you are a trained mental health professional, diagnosing them or telling them what type of therapy they need is above your pay grade. Your loved one’s treatment should be left to trained professionals.
- Ask open-ended questions and give your loved one time to answer them. Summarize what you have heard in your own words to make sure you have understood what your loved one has said.
- If there has been a miscommunication, ask your loved one to repeat what they have said. Keep in mind that they may become irritable if asked to go over something they have already said. Irritability is quite common when someone is depressed. Try not to take it personally.
How to Talk to a Depressed Person
- Be willing to listen to your loved one if they want to talk, without judging how they feel.
Keep in mind that depression affects a person’s perception. The affected individual may struggle to see the world as anything but grey. If that is their reality, don’t try to tell them that the world is made up of a full spectrum of colors. Just sit with them and tell them that you’re sorry they are going through such a difficult time or that you understand that what they are describing must be really difficult for them.
- Your loved one may be irritable. It’s their depression talking.
Your loved one may have previously been a warm, welcoming person who enjoyed being around friends and family members before they became depressed. Now, they may seldom go out, preferring to spend time alone.
Hobbies and pastimes that previously gave them pleasure are now put to the side in favor of sleeping too much (or not enough). Concentrating is more difficult, which means reading, watching television, or performing work tasks is much more challenging for someone who is depressed. When someone discovers that everyday tasks are more difficult than usual, it stands to reason that they will become frustrated and irritated at the situation. This irritability is likely to be taken out on those around them.
If your loved one doesn’t seem happy to see you or is cold when you go to see them, you have a couple of options:
- You can say that you have caught them at a bad time and arrange to come back later. Be careful to keep your tone neutral.
- The other option is to stay for a short time to see whether their mood improves. It’s okay to ask them if they would like some company or if they would prefer to be alone.
- Offer to help with household tasks.
Ask how you can help your loved one. Do they need help with their dishes or laundry? What about getting groceries? Keep in mind that the most mundane of household tasks can seem overwhelming to someone who is depressed.
It may only take you 15 or 20 minutes to wash the dishes in the sink or load the dishwasher and wipe the kitchen counters. Someone who is in the midst of a severe depression may be having trouble getting out of bed, much less being able to manage household tasks.
- Make plans with your loved one.
Your loved one living with depression may not feel much like socializing. It doesn’t mean that you can’t invite them to see a movie, to go for a walk, or for coffee. Going out can help your loved one get a different, more positive perspective.
- Ask whether your loved one has sought help for their depression.
A depressed person may find it too difficult to contact their doctor to make an appointment to discuss their symptoms. They may not be able to put a name to what’s wrong. A primary care doctor is qualified to screen their patients for depression, prescribe medications, and make a recommendation about a treatment plan.
- Remind your loved one that depression is an illness.
Even though you may not be experiencing the same symptoms as your loved one, it doesn’t mean you can’t understand that depression is an illness. It’s treatable and your loved one can recover.
- It’s okay to ask your loved one if they have had thoughts about suicide.
Suicide isn’t a dirty word when talking to someone who is depressed. You won’t “give them ideas” if you ask them about it. Someone who is suicidal is already thinking about it independently from anything you say.
Be Direct. The best way to bring it up is to be direct. “I’m concerned about you. Have you been having thoughts about hurting yourself?” Then listen carefully to the response. If your loved one has a specific plan for self-harm, treat it as a medical emergency. Call 9-1-1 or your local emergency number.
Get Help if You are Concerned. If you are unsure how to deal with the information your loved one has shared with you about whether they intend to hurt themselves, call 9-1-1 or your local emergency number anyway. They need to be assessed by a medical professional.
If your Loved One is Using Drugs or Alcohol…They may be living with depression and using drugs or alcohol to self-medicate. A person may not know how to cope with their negative feelings and may turn to chemicals to try to feel better.
This situation puts a person on a direct path to drug and alcohol addiction and doesn’t do anything to treat their depression. Someone in this situation needs professional help. A dual diagnosis treatment center is staffed by professionals who can treat a client’s drug or alcohol addiction and their mental health concerns concurrently.
Get Help for Depression and Addiction at Canyon Vista Treatment Center
At Canyon Vista Treatment Center in Mesa, Arizona, our focus is on helping our clients achieve long-term recovery. Each person who comes through our doors is an individual, with a unique history and treatment goals. Our experienced medical and therapy team starts with a complete physical and psychological examination. Based on its results, we develop a customized treatment plan for each client.
Sources:
